Like all of us, there were many life transitions that occurred in my life, and with each transition, I ended behaviors, beliefs and thoughts, just to add new beliefs, thoughts and actions. Throughout my life, I have always longed to be that person who was really showing up and living as my truest and most authentic self, in my actions, and my words and my thoughts! But that was just NOT going to happen easily.
Like many young women, I grew up learning that there were roles to be played and personas to be taken on. As a young child, I knew that my family was a bit different than those families around me. I am the child of amazing, resilient Holocaust Survivor parents. It was my first role and I played it well. My everyday life was happy, safe and secure. But I also learned that being gentle, giving and sensitive could lead to terrible things, so I kept my sensitive side from others and put up walls without even knowing what was happening.
In my twenties, my parents lost their eldest daughter, my older sister, to cancer, which made their tragedy come rushing back into the present. I now became the one my family relied on. But this next role, as the responsible one, turned me into the person who put themselves last, the one who took care of others and all things, with disregard for my own needs.
As I came into my middle adulthood, I began to realize that something was just not right. I was feeling more and more unsettled, inauthentic, discontent, and resentful with the way I was living. The roles and beliefs about myself that I always imagined were my absolute truths were beginning to squeeze me so hard that it took away my fire, my purpose, and my happiness. I was were fading away. Who was I? Where had I gone? And how I can find my way back?
I started the process of finding my way back to me when I started processing and acknowledging the many transitions and the stories I was taught and also the stories (beliefs) that I created around those transitions that were my adult life. With support and love, in a safe space created by my coaches, family, friends and self, I not only moved through my latest life transition by thinking about what I wanted to do but investigating WHO I wanted to be. Transition that is connected to self-directed transformation is a powerful power!